I don’t want to think about how many times in the last 4 years that my heart has hurt for the boys, or that I’ve been mad at them, or that I’ve been frustrated with their actions/choices, or so proud that I thought my chest would burst (Ok, so maybe those are more fun and easy to think about).
I’m not the boys’ mom, I did not give birth to them. I don’t claim that and I would never take that away from their mother. But, I do help parent them, raise them, feed and clothe them, support and entertain them, and I’ve grown INCREDIBLY attached to them. I feel so blessed to be a part of their life. I’ve had many people say to me since T & I were married that the boys are lucky to have me as their step-mom, but it’s so far the opposite way that it isn’t even funny! I’m so
lucky blessed to have them as my step-sons! I can’t imagine how empty my world would be without them. Not only do I never want to think about my life without my husband, but I don’t ever want to think about my life without the boys either.
Parenting is an emotional roller coaster. One day I’m so excited to share something with them, then within an hour I’m frustrated that they would rather spend time with their friends (natural for teenagers, I know), and then so proud and excited that they did great in a football game and then sad because they are sad or hurting. (And yes, I’m pretty sure I’ve felt all those emotions in one day!)
I’ve learned as I’ve become a “parent” that if they are happy, you are happy. If they are mad, you are mad. If their heart hurts, your heart hurts. If they feel sick, you feel sick. If they are scared, you are scared. Nobody prepared me for these emotions and experiences. No one gives parents (of any kind) a handbook, but someone should work on that! 😉 I keep plugging along. I cry when they cry, I cheer with they score a touchdown, I want to kick somebody’s butt when they are mean to them, I laugh when they say something funny; and I want to put them in a bubble, so I can make the world right for them, every minute of every day of every year!
Last spring at M’s vocal concert, their class sang a song that had a theme of “I want to know that I did something good, touched someone and made a difference.”. If that little boy only knew how I cried through that song (and how I’m crying at my keyboard just thinking about him and that song again), how much of a difference he and his brother have made in my life. I hope they know that I will never be the same person I was before they were in my life. I hope that they know this in their heart and maybe…someday…I’ll let them read this post! Remember, I’m Learning As I Go!